Elaine Richardson

Not sure what they're thinking here.

At one point in TV history you actually had to be somebody before they'd give you a show with your name on it. Think "The Donna Reed Show, "The Jimmy Stewart Show," "The Judy Garland Show," "The Dean Martin Show." And, in the early days of TV, creating a show around the highly recognizable name of a Hollywood or entertainer type usually worked (as long as they were, white, of course).

Then we got shows where maybe the name star wasn't as well known, but they had some level of notoriety. And, most important, they had enough talent (and good writers) to carry off the great burden of being in a show with your first and last -- and sometimes first, middle and last -- names all over it -- "The Dick Van Dyke Show," "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," "The Bob Newhart Show."

But then came the modern times where it seemed TV execs started snorting too much and began handing out shows to any schmo they could find, trying to recapture the glory of Golden Age name branding. If they'd been lucid, maybe they would have figured out that "The Tony Danza Show" had disaster written all over it. Or that "The Gary Coleman Show" (one of the scariest cartoons ever) might not be such a good plan. Not to mention the fact that the networks have bestowed shows on all kinds of people whose names aren't even up to par, and even if some of them were good they were immediately doomed by the fact that no one knew -- or cared -- who they were.

So "The Jenny McCarthy Show," "The Lucie Arnaz Show," "The Brian Benben Show," "The Bonnie Hunt Show," "The John Larroquette Show," "The Ben Stiller Show," "The Dana Carvey Show," "The Jon Stewart Show," "The Mike O'Malley Show" and yes, "The Michael Richards Show" have come and gone. We can only hope "The Geena Davis Show" is soon to follow. This not-so-illustrious group has left us a new rule in the pantheon of TV rules: Shows with the star's first and last name are doomed.

This has been less true on cable, where "The Tracy Ullman Show," "The Chris Rock Show" and "It's Garry Shandling's Show" have all done pretty well. But with "The Chris Isaak Show," cable's immunity to the two-name curse may well be at an end. Though I'm all for "Bad Bad Thing, "I've got a copy of "San Francisco Days" and I like Chris Isaak and his kooky, retro ways, the bottom line is I don't really care about what his life is like, who's in his band or what they do with their time. And if I did, it wouldn't be for a show that runs an hour (that's a cable hour, so no commercials) every week.

As a middle-level musician whose acting talents have been honed as SWAT team leader in "Silence of the Lambs," killer clown in "Married to the Mob" and FBI agent around for five minutes in "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me," Isaak shouldn't have enough cred to get his own name show. Especially when it's a show where none of the supporting characters are recognizable -- or interesting, where the humor is of the tits and insecure male "my, that horse has a huge penis and I can't compete" variety, and where most of the story centers around the fact that Chris Isaak is neurotic. There's a phone conversation with his shrink mom, who goes on about his masturbation fantasies and his sublimation of sexual urges through performance, that freaks both us, and him out (he's kind of a prude).

In fact, we also find that Isaak (who has been made to look even more goofy by the exaggeration of his trademark pompadour) is the kind of guy who has to sign for a per diem check and pay for his own phone calls while on location shooting his new video. He's the kind of guy who obsesses over the fact that his neighbor, an accountant for said video shoot, does a strip tease in front of the windows in her room every night. And, because he's "rock star next door," he's got decent impulses so he tries real hard not to watch. He's also the kind of guy who, when a woman comes to his room, tells her to sit down because he's just made fresh Tang.

Which means the only interesting thing about this show is going to be a slew of musicians and other "guest stars" who come on and sing with Isaak, meaning we'll get to hear lots of his songs. Not the two or three songs we know, but the others, the ones that didn't make radio airplay.

Just play "Wicked Game" and go away. Oh, next week's guest star is Brett Michaels from Poison. Run. Now.

"The Chris Isaak Show" runs Mondays, 10pm Eastern, 9pm Central, on Showtime. Check local cable listings. (2001-03-15)

Also by Elaine Richardson

MIDSEASON SHUFFLE
Want a fun waste of time? Lay out the grids from the start of the fall season and compare them to what remains on the network rosters -- it's difficult to miss the sight of blood in the water.
(2001-03-08)

HARSH REALM
"The Sopranos" hits this season with a host of problems, not the least of which is the very sad death of actress Nancy Marchand, whose turn as Tony Soprano's (the ever excellent James Gandolfini) agonized--and agonizing--mother Livia helped to make this show's original run so remarkable. Without her, Tony's mother conflict is automatically relegated into flashback--no new fodder for Tony's shrink sessions.
(2001-03-01)

THE HORROR
"This is punishment for every sin I've ever committed in my life," yells a pained viewer. "It's just so awful." That's the point of B-Fest 2001, the twenty-four-hour B-movie festival and spectator sport (yelling is encouraged) put on yearly by the Northwestern University student group, A&O Films.
(2001-02-01)

WINTER WONDERS
Most of these things don't require you to stand outside -- but so what if they do? An occasional breath of fresh air might be nice. All you really have to do is run from one warm place to another, so suck it up, put on an extra scarf and take advantage of some great events.
(2001-02-01)

SPIKED
(2001-01-11)

FLAKING OUT
(2000-12-28)

IRRESOLUTIONS
(2000-12-21)

VIDEO ZONE
(2000-12-21)

ON LINE
(2000-11-30)

EASY MONEY?
(2000-11-23)

DOLLAR SIGNS
(2000-11-23)

THE BIG 3-0
(2000-11-16)

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