Elaine Richardson

"I'm kinda scared by this," a female voice whispers in the darkness. "What the hell's going on here?"

On screen Herve Villechaize (aka Tattoo) is sucking down soup while an old man with a beard makes obscene finger gestures. Another man, a Christ figure named Jessie, wanders the old West wearing a zoot suit, spectator shoes and a large brimmed pink hat. Cut to a woman with a sucking chest wound as she tries, in vain, to climb a snowy mountain -- only to be shot again. Cut back to the Christ guy, now in some kind of bar doing a song and dance number that ends with the stripping off of his lily-white gloves to reveal bleeding stigmata.

"This is punishment for every sin I've ever committed in my life," yells a pained viewer. "It's just so awful." That's the point of B-Fest 2001, the twenty-four-hour B-movie festival and spectator sport (yelling is encouraged) put on yearly by the Northwestern University student group, A&O Films. And though the crowd of more than 150 has paid for the privilege of watching films like Robert Downey Sr.'s 1972 "head" western, "Greaser's Palace," it doesn't mean they always like them. Later features, such as the seventies pseudo-blaxploitation nightmare "Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold," featuring the Grace Jones makeup-wearing, hat-addicted heroine (Tamara Dobbs) and the talents of Mr. Roper, Norman Fell, will all score a lot more laughs. But for now, we're still stuck in "Greaser's Palace."

"There's good bad and there's scary bad," one viewer says prosaically. "'Solarbabies,' which they're showing later -- good bad. This is scary bad."

(2001-02-01)

Also by Elaine Richardson

SPIKED
But hey, we've heard this one before; isn't this what you call wine cooler land? Yeah, back in 1985. But while our friends at Bartyles and James have faded off the radar, hard lemonades, ciders and even alcoholic water have appropriated a good chunk of their shelf.
(2001-01-11)

FLAKING OUT
We're Chicagoans, damn it -- a hardy, Midwestern people who frequently and valiantly brave snow and wind and cold. Besides, if we didn't, there'd be no holiday gifts and, well, we just can't have that.
(2000-12-28)

IRRESOLUTIONS
Here are a few suggestions for turning that giant self-help project into something manageable.
(2000-12-21)

VIDEO ZONE
Even with cable, you're in for a night of round-the-world New Year's parties, stupid commentary, cruddy movies and soft-core porn. Spare yourself the agony with a little planning ahead and lay in a couple apropos videotapes (or DVDs if you're so equipped). Here's a few you might consider.
(2000-12-21)

ON LINE
(2000-11-30)

EASY MONEY?
(2000-11-23)

DOLLAR SIGNS
(2000-11-23)

THE BIG 3-0
(2000-11-16)

DRINK AND BE MERRY
(2000-11-16)

RESTAURANT REVIEW
(2000-08-24)

COUNTER CULTURE
(2000-08-10)

STORMY WEATHER II
(2000-08-03)

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