Elaine Richardson

Uncertain financial times are usually hardest on the non-beer drinkers. While our Bud-swilling brethren can economize by moving down to Schlitz or some other such horror, for those of us who gag at the smell of hops there's rarely been a cheap way out. Sure, we'd drink cocktails, but they devastate quickly -- putting us down before the beer drinkers are half done for the night, they're expensive and, depending on where you go, their quality can be uncertain.

Now, however, is one of the better times for those who eschew beer, as the number of bottled alternatives has increased exponentially, offering us a similar alcohol content, bottle packaging and prices lower than your average cocktail. But hey, we've heard this one before; isn't this what you call wine cooler land? Yeah, back in 1985. But while our friends at Bartyles and James have faded off the radar, hard lemonades, ciders and even alcoholic water have appropriated a good chunk of their shelf.

And to think it all started with Zima. The original clearmalt beverage with the cheesy bottle and ridiculous commercials opened the door to the beer alternative with it's not-quite-right tasting 7Up flavor. But people bought it. And now, all of us who thought it was the silliest thing we ever saw, can reap the benefits of its inroads by taking advantage of the better-tasting stuff that followed.

A few quick notes on these beverages: Usually bottled and available in six packs, they can run anywhere from $5 to $8 for said pack. Alcohol content is comparable to beer, but higher than your standard wine cooler, running anywhere between 4.5 percent and 6 percent alcohol by volume. (For comparison's sake, note that the aforementioned Bartyles and James run anywhere between 3 and 4 percent, while the Jack Daniel's bottled cocktails run 5.9 percent.)

Lemonades and teas: The real bonanza in this arena has been lemon hooch. From Rick's Spiked Lemonade to Mike's Hard Lemonade, Doc Otis' Hard Lemon to Hooper's Hooch, there's a veritable horde of these products now available. Be aware that these are all malt products and can, depending on where your stomach is, weigh somewhat heavily on you if you haven't eaten. But, for the most part, this is good stuff. Mike's and Hoopers are on the tangy side, and carry a bit more kick, but can be easily consumed in multiples. (Hooper's also makes blackberry and orange flavors.) Doc Otis' (the Anheuser-Busch entry) is lighter and incredibly tasty -- like drinking straight lemonade, which can be dangerous if you don't watch out. I'm not too fond of the BoDean's Twisted Tea, which tasted a lot like skanky iced tea. The promised lemon flavor is non-existent, which may be why the under-the-cap suggestion is "stick a lemon in it."

Ciders: The world of cider, popular in Europe for years, and just making a splash here now, is a grand one. Unlike the malt beverages, these aren't quite as heavy, but they're also closer to beer than you might imagine -- it's not that far from fermented grain to fermented apples. Woodchuck makes a huge selection of ciders from draft to pear, Granny Smith, colonial, amber and "dark and dry." California-based Ace makes a clean and attractively fruity regular cider, as well as a nice tasting pear cider. Cider Jack makes its ciders in raspberry, lemon, cranberry and basic hard, while One Eyed Jack (look for the evil cartoon bee) makes a spiced apple cider that's quite different. For the clean, crisp cider taste, a nice choice is Hard Core's "crisp" hard cider (they make a golden cider with less alcohol content), which tastes just like apple-flavored beer -- and it ain't bad.

Alcoholic water: There is actually something called DNA Alcoholic Fruit and Spring Water -- in a clear bottle with a glow-in-the-dark green thumbprint. Shockingly, it's not bad. In fact, it actually tastes better than some of the stuff mentioned above and, at an even 5 percent, has higher booze content than some of the lemon drinks. It has a lot to do with carbonation. The lemonades sit heavy, because they're flat. The ciders carry some level of natural carbonation, to give them a little foam, but DNA is fully carbonated -- making it super light and eminently drinkable. The "original Australian recipe," as the bottle says, is malt-based, but with an airy, mango flavor. It's worth checking out at least once.

(2001-01-11)

Also by Elaine Richardson

FLAKING OUT
We're Chicagoans, damn it -- a hardy, Midwestern people who frequently and valiantly brave snow and wind and cold. Besides, if we didn't, there'd be no holiday gifts and, well, we just can't have that.
(2000-12-28)

IRRESOLUTIONS
Here are a few suggestions for turning that giant self-help project into something manageable.
(2000-12-21)

VIDEO ZONE
Even with cable, you're in for a night of round-the-world New Year's parties, stupid commentary, cruddy movies and soft-core porn. Spare yourself the agony with a little planning ahead and lay in a couple apropos videotapes (or DVDs if you're so equipped). Here's a few you might consider.
(2000-12-21)

ON LINE
The early bird gets the $90 DVD player on the day after Thanksgiving -- that's what the sale sheets say. Of course, it's easy to walk in, but getting out is something else entirely.
(2000-11-30)

EASY MONEY?
(2000-11-23)

DOLLAR SIGNS
(2000-11-23)

THE BIG 3-0
(2000-11-16)

DRINK AND BE MERRY
(2000-11-16)

RESTAURANT REVIEW
(2000-08-24)

COUNTER CULTURE
(2000-08-10)

STORMY WEATHER II
(2000-08-03)

TV PARTY
(2000-07-27)

about Newcitychicago | about Newcity magazine | advertising | privacy policy | FAQ | employment