Andy Seifert

A taxi screeches to a halt on Clark Street in front of Goose Island Wrigleyville, where a patient crowd of teenagers and twentysomethings are lined up. Out steps a gentlemen in his early twenties who wears faded jeans, Armani sunglasses and what appears to be Derek Zoolander's "blue steel" pose. The sad reality is that he is strutting towards the line to audition for the twenty-first season of MTV's "The Real World," and he probably has a decent chance at making the cut.

He joins the queue, where the main activity is filling out an application that asks questions like "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Where does the relationship stand now?" (Best answer: "Yes, we cry on the phone a lot." Also, "Have you ever had a DUI? If yes, please explain."

What drives young adults who probably have trendier things to do on a Saturday afternoon than stand around in the bitter cold to try out for a reality TV show? For Roger Keith, 22, it's the women. "I don't want to say it too loud, but my first mission would be to try to get with all the girls in the house." On the other side of the spectrum, Jackie Bedolla, 21, has drawn a distinct line on the matter. "I wouldn't get with everyone in the house," she says. "Make out, maybe."

Then there's Troy Pryor, who manages to not talk sex and says, "I think I'd thrive under a diverse situation, and even if I don't agree with a certain lifestyle, I'm not one to judge anyone." Pryor is refreshingly levelheaded and clearly has no possibility of making the show.

(2008-02-12)

Also by Andy Seifert

The Gates of Hell
If campaign rallies are any indication, John Mellencamp is the most popular musician of our time. Virtually every presidential campaign uses the pro-America, pro-common-sense values embedded within the prose of "R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A," and Republican frontrunner John McCain is no exception
(2008-02-06)

Bono Appetit
"Hola!" Bono yells, gyrating his twelve-foot wide crotch into each and every member of the audience. "I'm at a place called vertigo!" Normally, the sight of a gargantuan, six-story-high Bono would frighten masses into an apocalyptic frenzy, but not this time. Inside the Navy Pier IMAX theater, Bono is a friendly giant, a scruffy Irishman whose beard you can almost touch in the new "U2-3D" movie
(2008-01-29)

As Fast As You Can
It's supposedly twenty-eight degrees but it feels ten times more bitter when the crowd gathering around the Quadrangle at the University of Chicago spots the nudes, a flesh-colored train of runners furiously chugging along with no respect to frostbite or hypothermia
(2008-01-22)

Smoked Out
Be afraid, Chicago. Fear the law. Thinking of taking a few extra puffs of your cigarette as you celebrate past midnight this New Year’s Eve in your favorite bar? Then be prepared to taste blood on your palate as the city’s stormtroopers, donned only in black, burst through the doors, using their high-tech, Orwellian machinery to incite terror and to shut down your favorite adult establishment
(2007-12-26)

It's All in the Surname
(2007-12-04)

Bear Barren
(2007-11-27)

Rebel Cacophony
(2007-11-19)

Martha Martha Martha
(2007-11-19)

Take It Personal
(2007-11-06)

Tip of the Week
(2007-10-30)

The Scary Stage
(2007-10-23)

Skin Deep
(2007-10-16)

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