Andy Seifert

If campaign rallies are any indication, John Mellencamp is the most popular musician of our time. Virtually every presidential campaign uses the pro-America, pro-common-sense values embedded within the prose of "R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A," and Republican frontrunner John McCain is no exception. "Ain't that America, home of the free," sings Mellencamp (who is, ironically, a John Edwards supporter), inciting the 500-plus McCain supporters gathering inside the Odeum Expo Center in Villa Park to slowly rock back and forth. Next up is Van Halen's "Jump," and Eddie shreds the faces off a group of Korean War veterans who probably didn't know they were going to get an earful of rolling synth lines when they went out tonight.

But David Lee Roth is just the opener for the night's balding, 71-year-old rock star, and McCain doesn't disappoint his fan base, providing all the hits—with such favorites as "I will follow bin Laden to the gates of hell" and "Ronald Reagan used to say …" as well as a new crowd favorite, "I don't care who it is [Clinton or Obama], I'm going to beat either one of them like a drum." His supporters chant "Mac is back! Mac is back!" and wave signs at him as if to remind the surely exhausted candidate of his own name. Children dragged to the event by their parents hold up crayon-drawn "Kids love McCain" signs, a promising indication that perhaps he has locked up the all-important "under 12" vote.

As McCain tells a few jokes about his days in the Armed Forces, two shrill voices from the back of the room being chanting, "Ron Paul! Ron Paul!" One woman and one fully bearded man holding a "McCain = 5 generations of Iraq War" sign have penetrated the event, much to the annoyance of the crowd. "Aw now c'mon. Ron Paul people come to a lot of my rallies, and they're always polite," McCain says as the duo continues to shriek. "Oh, come on. He's gonna be OK." Ron Paul's soldiers are escorted out, paving the way for twenty distraction-free minutes of policy discussion and Irish jokes. With a full smile and a couple of thumbs up, McCain leaves to a friendly round of applause just as guitars strum and the all too familiar voice of John Mellencamp bellows over the electorate.

"This is ouuuurrrr country."

(2008-02-06)

Also by Andy Seifert

Bono Appetit
"Hola!" Bono yells, gyrating his twelve-foot wide crotch into each and every member of the audience. "I'm at a place called vertigo!" Normally, the sight of a gargantuan, six-story-high Bono would frighten masses into an apocalyptic frenzy, but not this time. Inside the Navy Pier IMAX theater, Bono is a friendly giant, a scruffy Irishman whose beard you can almost touch in the new "U2-3D" movie
(2008-01-29)

As Fast As You Can
It's supposedly twenty-eight degrees but it feels ten times more bitter when the crowd gathering around the Quadrangle at the University of Chicago spots the nudes, a flesh-colored train of runners furiously chugging along with no respect to frostbite or hypothermia
(2008-01-22)

Smoked Out
Be afraid, Chicago. Fear the law. Thinking of taking a few extra puffs of your cigarette as you celebrate past midnight this New Year’s Eve in your favorite bar? Then be prepared to taste blood on your palate as the city’s stormtroopers, donned only in black, burst through the doors, using their high-tech, Orwellian machinery to incite terror and to shut down your favorite adult establishment
(2007-12-26)

It's All in the Surname
Establishing yourself as a so-called "Chicago institution" usually takes time, effort and an inordinate amount of luck. For Mr. Beef at 666 North Orleans, it was many years before the beef stand's big break: Jay Leno being named host of "The Tonight Show"
(2007-12-04)

Bear Barren
(2007-11-27)

Rebel Cacophony
(2007-11-19)

Martha Martha Martha
(2007-11-19)

Take It Personal
(2007-11-06)

Tip of the Week
(2007-10-30)

The Scary Stage
(2007-10-23)

Skin Deep
(2007-10-16)

Academic Alliance
(2007-10-16)

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