Andy Seifert

Hundreds of people have packed into the seventh floor Walnut Room at Macy’s on State Street to catch a glimpse of Martha Stewart and her specially designed Christmas tree. The hordes of people on the seventh floor and the masses peering from the eighth floor have merged their collective breath to make the room spectacularly and unbearably humid. As a result, the lovely and unassuming choir singing Christmas hymns seems like a cruel, sick joke. Please, let it snow, let it snow inside Macy's.

The people on the seventh floor—many of whom are enjoying a Walnut Room lunch—have a first-class view of Martha and the tree. They're like the social elite when compared the people on the eighth floor, pushed together like cattle, hoping desperately to catch a glimpse of Martha. "Ooh! I think I see the top of her head!" says one woman, legitimately excited to see her silvery hair. Super-excited children are tucked tightly to the railing and on top of shoulders. One father, visibly sweating, turns to his spouse and says, "Let's get out of here. This is totally overrated. I don't know why you drug us here anyway." One woman in the crowd can't take it anymore: "I'm gonna go back here where it's not hot," she says, pointing toward to people who are sitting uninterested on the display couches. "I'm gonna die."

Finally, Martha emerges in her white jacket and addresses the crowd. "We love the history of the ornament and the Christmas tree, and now we have it in giant size," she says, continuing with more banter before inexplicably adding, "I just had a chicken pot pie, and it was great!"

(2007-11-19)

Also by Andy Seifert

Take It Personal
Two goth kids walk into the Borders in Lincoln Park, and, as one would suspect, head straight for the display featuring "Out of Sync," the new book from Lance Bass, who's scheduled to appear in the store shortly. They lean towards the rules of the event posted underneath Lance's smirking face
(2007-11-06)

Tip of the Week
Amidst the recent rise in popularity of Mapquest and the overwhelmingly intricate Google Earth, the Field Museum's simply titled "Maps" sets out to show that maps were once hand-written and delightfully flawed. Historical heavy-hitters like Charles Lindberg's New York-to-Paris flight chart and J.R.R. Tolkien's imaginary depiction of Minas Tirith highlight the exhibit, but nearly all the pieces exist within their own subjective realm
(2007-10-30)

The Scary Stage
For a holiday whose core values are centered on spooking kids, it’s strange how pumped adults get into it; foremost among them is Jason Chin, the writer/director of "Thriller Theater" at i.O.
(2007-10-23)

Skin Deep
Mr. Skin may specialize in finding breasts in films, but he can appreciate finding irony in bookstores as well. The film-nudity mogul, whose recently released book "Mr. Skin's Skintastic Video Guide" reveals his 500 favorite movies for nudie-viewing pleasure, can’t help but grin when people inside Barbara’s Bookstore start to notice that the children’s book section is bordering the room where his people have set up a video screen
(2007-10-16)

Academic Alliance
(2007-10-16)

By a Thread
(2007-09-18)

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