Tom Lynch

Neal Pollack and his wife have a problem.

Their son, Elijah, has taken a cooked noodle up his nose, and he won't blow it out. He runs around the room and yells. They can't catch him. Every time he breathes, the noodle goes in deeper. Elijah giggles and howls "Nooooooodle!" They finally catch him and, with a dropper, jar the pasta from his nostril. Afterwards, when Elijah's in bed, they each take a double of whiskey. The story, when read, is disturbingly amusing.

"The noodle story is funny on paper," Pollack says, "but not funny in life. The reason the book's a comedy is because everything turned out okay in the end."

"Alternadad," author Neal Pollack's new work of nonfiction, follows the trials and tribulations of a punk-rock slacker-writer and his wife as they struggle with parenthood, trying to stay youthful themselves, attempting, in so many ways, to stay cool. Therefore, it's The Ramones, not the "Teletubbies," for Elijah, and a Johnny Cash poster on his bedroom wall, in lieu of tigers or puppies or rubber duckies. Of course, the cover of the book showcases your typical rubber ducky. With a beak ring.

"I didn't know what the book was yet," Pollack says of the project's early days. "Some dramatic stuff happened, I started taking notes. [The book was] initially conceived as a sort of silly parenting guidebook, very quick, a semi-serious memoir. It was hard for me to find the right voice, not overly snarky, which is a pitfall. The problem parenting writing falls into, it's really hard to write about yourself with real honesty. I'm not always the most sympathetic character in the world, and that's what I try to get across."

The concept of Neal Pollack discussing parenting writing may strike some odd in the first place. Pollack has, of course, already made his mark as a rock `n' roll satirist, coming on strong with his debut "The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature" and then later with the novel "Never Mind the Pollacks." He started as a journalist--he was based in Chicago for a good chunk of his early career--and eventually edited "Chicago Noir," the collection of short stories for the Akashic "Noir" series.

So why did he decide to write a parenting book? "Well, I wish my answer was more poignant or glamorous," he says, "but basically my good ideas for satirical fiction dried up. I needed a new book contract in order to feed my family, and my agent thought my stories about being a dad were funny, and there were other people telling me to turn it into a book. I was reluctant--I spent years mocking first-person journalism and memoirs and that self-absorbed voice that has completely overwhelmed writing in this country. I was really reluctant, but in the end reality forced my hand, so I sort of went for it."

Pollack wanted to write an honest parenting book, involving the major conflicts young parents--without cushy jobs ("A lot of parenting books are written by people that have more money than we do," he says)--face today, like health insurance, schooling, housing. "What I wanted it to be was a story about a middle-class family with contemporary details," he says. "The realities of being a parent today. There's this hipster-parenting thing, I'm definitely conscious of that, it makes for an entertaining backdrop to the book. I think that people can draw from the challenges a middle-class family faces--it would be nice if people can see a reflection of themselves in that. I know that sounds corny--but everyone worries about health insurance, feeding, clothing, housing."

The Pollack family, having spent time in cities including Chicago and Austin, has finally settled in Los Angeles. "It's okay," he says of the city. "We have a lot more family here, and our housing situation is good, an okay neighborhood...but for the most part I miss being able to hang out on the porch and drink beer with friends."

Pollack says that he has two ideas for what he may do next--one is a sequel to "Alternadad." "Hopefully the book does well enough," he says. "I'd like to write one sequel. My life as a parent has been hilarious enough."

He also has plans for fiction. "More noirish," he says of the material. "I've written crime fiction--I'd like to have my short stories put together in a collection. I don't know when I'm gonna have the opportunity, but hopefully I do."

Neal Pollack discusses "Alternadad" January 24 at Hopleaf Bar, 5148 North Clark, (773)793-9488, at 7:30pm. Free.

(2007-01-16)

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