Molly Sullivan

Ask most men and they will say that there isn't much that they love more than babes and booze--except maybe football and booze. Unfortunately, Maxim, Coors Light and Coyote Ugly Saloon find this out the hard way during their search for the next Maxim cover girl on Saturday night.

Coyote Ugly Saloon seems perfect for a hot-chick contest because of their scantily clad bartenders (something that will come in handy later), but the bar "gets a lot of tourists...not many people from the city," one bartender explains as a group of middle-aged suburbanites walks in. But the Maxim/Coors' girls hope it will be a younger crowd spinning the competition wheel, with choices--Truth or Dare, Shake It, Cold Hard Facts, Pour a Cold One, Pick Up Lines and Hot Chick Tricks.

With minutes to go and few babes in sight, the "coyotes" save the day with six of the bartenders entering. As Sherri, the hostess, announces the girls, she tells the crowd to "cheer for the hotties," but it seems that the men have realized that the Seahawks/Cowboys' game is on and it's a close one. So the men cheer for the Seahawks' touchdown, making the score 21-20 (Seahawks' advantage) and the girls reply by shaking it on the bar in their skirts, bra tops and studded belts.

Quickly, girls are eliminated based on their dancing and answers to "Why should you be the next Maxim cover girl?" Most answer with variations on "I'm hot and sexy," but the few viewers who are watching them and not the game expect a little more. "How about `I can knock your drink off the bar with my rack,'" suggests one customer.

The final round brings on the spinning wheel and the possibility of hot-chick tricks. However, it is also towards the end of the football game, with only one point separating the two teams and Dallas in control of the ball. Amy, who has been a crowd favorite (of the five or so men watching), answers a cold hard fact about Coors incorrectly, but makes up for it by "shaking what [her] mama gave [her]." Sylvia, who put on her fishnet fighting gloves, gets to pour a cold one as sexily as she can, but her impressive skill is overshadowed as Tony Romo and the Cowboys are just nineteen yards away and can take the lead with an easy field goal.

However, tonight is a night of miracles. Amy, with her wrong answer about where Coors is brewed (Colorado, not Chicago) comes away with the win. And the Seahawks, waiting to see that field goal crush their dreams, end up winning as Romo fumbles the snap. We'll see you Sunday Seahawks-- and congrats, Amy.

(2007-01-09)

Also by Molly Sullivan

Portrait of a Man
Back when Marc Hauser took a photo of a young John Mellencamp with his arm around his grandfather, critics claimed that this was the piece that Hauser would become known for, but he reasons that it just got him a few more jobs. Tonight at his Oculus Gallery opening, everyone gets to see not only that famous photo, but a renewed glimpse into more than thirty years of Hauser's photography
(2006-12-19)

Choose Chomsky
Don't you hate it when you miss your favorite linguist's birthday or when Hallmark doesn't have a "Happy 164th Birthday" card for your favorite anarchist? Well, no need to buy cards for Noam Chomsky or Peter Kropotkin this year for the celebration at Mercury Café, because a little donation towards Midwest Books to Prisoners is all they want for their birthdays
(2006-12-12)

Oopsie Daisy
It's easy to imagine all pre-teen girls who have a kitty diary with "I love (insert name of the most popular twelve-year-old boy)" doodled in purple glitter pen all over it. Luckily for us, we are all now getting a peek inside these precious tomes and other personal stories at the "Oops" reading event at Heaven Gallery in Wicker Park
(2006-12-05)

Anime Marinara
Nothing says Italian cuisine like Japanese anime and good ol' American hot dogs. At Teena Mia in the West Loop on Saturday night, this combination sets the tone for a cultural collision
(2006-11-28)

Machinehand
(2006-11-07)

Rolling Bling
(2006-10-17)

Only Connect
(2006-09-19)

Macy Day
(2006-09-12)

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