Jenny Seay

You wouldn't expect to find free grooming opportunities at the Lakeview Music Festival. But sure enough, the Wahl Clipper Corporation is on hand with their Trimming Trailer. The large setup includes two stylists, a couple barber chairs, cans of Clippercide and wide, handheld mirrors.

Several Wahl representatives patrol the pavement, attempting to recruit candidates for their Wahl Men of the Year competition, calling out, "trimming up beards, mustaches, goatees... doing it for free!"

Many passersby keep moving, gravitating toward a booth serving pina coladas in hollowed-out pineapples. But every so often someone stops to participate. One entrant is a slightly inebriated twentysomething with a rather full beard. He settles into a chair, while his stylist drapes a red plastic smock around his neck.

"He could be 17, he could be 30. I don't know," jokes one of the Wahl representatives. Another approaches the guy's group of friends with a microphone and asks them to explain what makes him the ideal Wahl Man.

"He makes you breakfast in bed?" His girlfriend nods, and a collective "aww" ripples through the audience.

"He was born on the Fourth of July?" More nods. By now the stylist has wrapped up her work. She hands the guy, introduced as Bobby, a handheld mirror. He smiles, examining his freshly shorn face, stroking the pink skin on the underside of his chin.

"Oh, Bobby, you look fabulous," says the interviewer. His friends clap approvingly, while Bobby stands up, raising his arms triumphantly. "I'm definitely getting laid tonight!" he shouts.

(2006-07-25)

Also by Jenny Seay

Nice Day for a Dog Wedding
It's not common for an engaged couple to open their wedding ceremony and reception to the general public. But Cody and Lucy are a generous sort, welcoming guests of all shapes and sizes to their Saturday afternoon nuptials. That's because they don't know any better--they're dogs
(2006-06-27)

The Story of Story Week
So what exactly is Story Week? In a nutshell, it's one of Chicago's more visible literary extravaganzas, assembling a culturally and ideologically diverse group of authors, editors and other literati for several days' worth of festivities
(2006-03-07)

Survivor: The Divorce
It's a bit surprising to witness a reality-show casting-call with such a low turnout
(2005-11-29)

And God said porn
"I was in the shower talking to God one morning," Foster explains. "I said, God, how can we work together on something to make the world a better place? And he responded with one word. Porn."
(2005-10-18)

Lords of the Ring
(2005-10-11)

Silver Hairs and Super Villians
(2005-09-13)

Stalking Jerome
(2005-07-26)

Personal paparazzi
(2005-02-22)

Just do it
(2004-09-14)

about Newcitychicago | about Newcity magazine | advertising | privacy policy | FAQ | employment