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Cooking Class
Studying the not-so-fine points of meth manufacturing

Emerson Dameron

"I guess it's my job to teach you how to cook meth," cracks John Martyny of the National Jewish Medical Center. He's surrounded by matchbooks, coffee strainers, packets of Sudafed and other domestic commonalities used in do-it-yourself methamphetamine production. As his onlookers jot notes, he ribs them repeatedly, although, as he is careful to observe, this is nothing you can't get through a quick perusal of the Web.

In order to learn about meth manufacturing, Martyny and his colleagues accompanied police on the job, but never found a "hot, cooking lab." So they created one of their own. Martyny confesses to producing meth "ten or fifteen times" with nothing that isn't displayed here and available legally. The process is simple enough, if messy and dangerous. "Any of you could do this," says Martyny. "The problem is, not all of you are chemists. And the ones who aren't chemists are going to make mistakes."

The American Industrial Hygiene Association constructed this science-fair style "mock meth lab" for AIHce, its conference and exposition, held this year at McCormick Place. This Tuesday morning press conference draws reporters from the Los Angeles Times and a number of other big-name outlets. Several thumb through the copy of "Secrets of Methamphetamine Manafacture" by "underground chemist" Steve "Uncle Fester" Preisler that sits on one table.

As Phoenix police officer Heather McArthur says, the Midwest has become America's "mecca of meth." With 1,058 labs discovered in 2004 (the last year for which stats are currently available), Illinois ranks fourth in meth busts, behind Indiana, Kentucky, Iowa and the ever-industrious Missouri. (At 2,788 labs, the show-me state eclipses its top two competitors put together.) The meth industry has its roots in California, says McArthur, but as the heat came down, the cooks moved their operations into sheltered rural areas.

On one table, a Slinky and other colorful toys symbolize the peril that meth kitchens foist on kids living in their proximity. Kids "explore by taste," says Martyny, and young children of meth cooks will likely sample poison. McArthur tells of one cook who hid deadly chemicals in baby bottles. Children come up a lot, which is hardly surprising. But this isn't really about the children. It's about the hassles of cleaning up abandoned meth labs, which is a big, weird business.

One pound of meth generates six pounds of waste, says Thomas Koch of Koch Environmental Health, Inc. This can go in the basement, in the backyard, and elsewhere on or around the property, but it has to go somewhere. Eventually, all that chemistry fosters health hazards and potential lawsuits. "In my experience," says Koch, "most of this is not covered by insurance."

"We'd like to contaminate a house," says Martyny, "and follow it for a year. Problem is, if you wake up one morning and three homeless people are living there, that's a big problem."

(2006-06-06)




Also by Emerson Dameron

Big Wheels
Earlier this year, Fat Tire, an amber ale concocted by the New Belgium Brewing Company in Fort Collins, Colorado, got a ceremonious rollout in Chicago
(2006-05-16)

Circle Jerk
"This entire presentation has been in English," complains a man in the front row. A sparse but ethnically varied crowd sits in Pilsen's Mexican Fine Arts Center, listening to CTA representatives discuss plans for the Circle Line project
(2006-05-09)

Racing in the Streets
Sylvan Goodman, owner of the Piggly Wiggly supermarket chain, introduced the modern shopping cart in 1937. At first, it didn't take off. Men found it emasculating; women found it evocative of a baby carriage. So Goodman hired "greeters" to pitch them to customers. A smart man, to be sure, but he probably didn't anticipate this
(2006-03-14)

Barflies United
Early Thursday evening, the Rainbo Club reveals its moody, divey core
(2006-01-24)

King for a Minute
(2006-01-10)

Pour Showing
(2005-11-15)

Arts Attack
(2005-05-17)

The Last Howl
(2005-05-03)

Getting Personal
(2005-04-19)

Soul Vegetarian
(2005-03-15)

Moto
(2005-03-01)

Chick unlit
(2003-12-16)






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Copyright Newcity Communications, Inc.

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