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 The Agony and the Ecstasy "What's Up"
CHARACTERS TEDDY BOY, biggish, dimwitted actuarial apprentice.
BEBE DOLL, desperate, future housewife.
NUTCRACKER, wooden soldier boy, on leave/insane.
SOUTHERN GAL, pliant soldier's wife.
FRANK, literary pretty boy. All of the action takes place in an alfresco style river bar. SCENE: "Slow Down, Life's Too Short" illuminates the front of a
riverside bar where rockabilly wannabes, plain Jane hussies, and
steak-heads trickle in for bar-side Jenga. Inside there is a pool table,
ping-pong table, arm-wrestling table and various gaming tables of
indistinguishable use. The characters are standing at a tall table for
an impromptu high- school reunion between Frank, Nutcracker and Teddy
Boy. Southern Gal is attentively by Nutcracker's side. Bebe Doll sends
Teddy Boy to the bar for a drink and is relieved to be free from his
heavy hands. NUTCRACKER: I really feel for the civilian. I know that a lot of
people wish they could do more about the war, but they just can't. They
feel impotent. We all play our part, I guess, but I understand that
frustration. Hell, I took a consulting job after college and I went in
day after day like a zombie and was like, fuck it, I'd rather be running
around the forest with an M-16. And I get to service the greatest
country in the world, flying in airplanes and riding motorcycles (he
grips imaginary handlebars, juices it, and makes a vroom-vroom
noise). BEBE DOLL: Service our country? I just want a man to service me!
Jeez. My man's so busy keeping up on his work for the city that he can't
give it to me, I mean give me any attention (she is drunk and
slurring slightly, eyes beaming at Nutcracker). I mean I love
him and everything, but jeez, I have needs too. SOUTHERN GAL: Maybe you should say something to him. Or just give him
a little hint. Get a sexy wax or wear some nice lingerie. BEBE DOLL: Oh, I can't say anything to him. He's really
sensitive about it, and I don't want to make it worse. Oh God, if
it could get any worse! No, it would kill him. And I can't get a rise
out of him no matter what I wear, or don't wear. Maybe you can talk to
him (she says licking her straw, staring deep into Nutcracker's eyes.
Southern Gal notices her too intense attention and reaches over to
stroke his arm). You know, give him some of that UP and TEN HUT
military stuff. Like a little pep talk. (Nutcracker is confused and
brushes away Southern Gal. ) NUTCRACKER: That doesn't sound like the guy I know. In high school he
was a big stud. He fucked all the girls, no offense. Really, he was like
a real stud. (He makes devil's horns with his hand and
screams, "STUUUUD!" to Teddy Boy. Teddy Boy looks back meagerly,
trying to edge his way through the crowd. ) BEBE DOLL: Oh I wish I knew him then! If only... the thing is that,
well, he can't get it up. (Nutcracker chokes on his beer and everyone
is paralyzed. ) It's always the same thing; it's OK; that's fine; I
love you anyways; it happens to everyone... I know, I know, it's just
terrible. He's so sensitive though, and I just can't bring it up, no pun
intended. But how many times can I tell him that it's all right? I mean,
it's not all right! It doesn't happen to everyone! It fucking sucks, no
pun. And believe me, I've tried everything. God, he'd
make such a good husband, and he's just so sweet. I'd marry him in a
heartbeat. He's a big teddy bear. You know that. Really he is. So sweet
and dumb--in that cute kind of way. FRANK: Well what do you do? I mean, how do you manage to,
well, keep busy? BEBE DOLL: Oh, well, I've got this guy, a friend back at school. He's
kind of my special friend. It's nothing really, just a physical
need thing. We've got that animal lust thing going on, you know. You
know how you just click with someone (she sighs looking at
Nutcracker). I mean, if my teddy bear over there proposed to me I'd
end it, just like that. I'm making him take me to look at wedding rings
this weekend. I want a sapphire cut and a platinum band (her eyes
sparkle as she looks at her claddagh ring). But in the mean time, I
don't see why I can't get some (she slides the ring up and down her
finger). Oh, it's just so good. You know when you can just do it
over and over? But it's just lust. (She bites her lip and stares into
her drink, poking the ice down with her straw. ) FRANK: Where is this guy now? You said you go to school with him? BEBE DOLL: Yea. He's actually going to be in town for a few hours
tomorrow. A layover on his way home. I'm going to go to the hotel, I
mean the airport, to have coffee with him. He brought some of my things
back for me. Teddy Boy saunters over uncertainly, carrying two drinks. TEDDY BOY: Hey guys. Hey doll, here's your drink. I had a hell of a
time getting up to the bar (Nutcracker chokes a laugh down with his
beer). What's with him? NUTCRACKER: No, nothing, nothing big man. Just haven't seen you in a
while, that's all. So, how's it hanging? We've been hearing all about
you, you stud you. TEDDY BOY: What? What'd you tell them? (looking at Bebe Doll)
What's up? What's up, baby? BEBE DOLL: Not much. Not much at all.
Also by Fred Sasaki Love and Sex: Waxing Poetic
The Agony and the Ecstasy
The Agony and the Ecstasy
The Agony and the Ecstasy
The Agony and the Ecstasy
The Agony and the Ecstasy
976-POET
Animals of the Wild
The Agony and the Ecstasy
Conversation Hearts
Mother, May I?
Fiction Review
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