Mike Schramm

A corporate wedding is under way on the second floor of Rock `n' Roll McDonald's. Nintendo has teamed up with the golden arches to provide free wi-fi to users of its handheld DS system in select fast-food locations and they've flipped a big fake switch in the flagship store to kick everything off. Ronald McDonald is here with his glowing bride Mario, and while Ronald won't stop saying how excited he is, Mario remains warily silent, partially because his head is a plastic mask and partially because he doesn't seem completely thrilled to have been teamed up with a clown.

The suits are also here, and they're almost as excited as Ronald. A camera crew--What channel? "We work for Nintendo"--is wandering around filming the seated players showing off the new system, but the players aren't what they seem, either. Are they customers of McDonald's, or maybe just videogame fans? Nope, they're from a staffing agency. "I came to staffing because I was looking for a job," says one of the multicultural "college-student types" hired by the big N to pretend to be excited about videogames. Do any of you guys actually own a DS? "No!" a pretty girl laughs at the question.

The illusion that they're eating the salads and fries spread around the tables vanishes as well when the camera crew grabs a few bowls away to make sure they get the product in the shot while the extras are interviewed about how "exciting" this all is. Jack ("just Jack"), a "Game Specialist" for "Team Nintendo" fields a few questions about the system. After he gets done explaining that "one of our big goals is to show how easy it is to go online," and that Mickey D's is what you think of "when you think of a family-friendly atmosphere," he starts to look like a real person. "On the side, I'm a personal chef," he confides, after prodding.

Fortunately, one real gamer has shown up, and he's sitting in a corner far away from the cameras, playing along wirelessly. Through long hair and glasses, he says he came because he read about the event online, and can't wait to buy the latest game. You came all the way down here just to see a product launch? "I'm a Nintendo fan," he replies, as if there was no way you couldn't be.

(2005-11-21)

Also by Mike Schramm

Seven Deadly Sins
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Halo Effect
In a West Loop loft, Wideload Games' lead designer Patrick Curry is showing off the company's new game, Stubbs the Zombie: Rebel Without a Pulse. "Eating brains is important to Stubbs," Curry says, as the 3D-rendered titular corpse attacks and devours the craniums of his enemies on a big-screen TV
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Dog Day Afternoon
"We are Chicago's only bakery," says Galloping Gourmutts' Candice D'Agnolo. Chicago's only dog bakery, that is
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Games people play
It's a great day for baseball at Thillens Stadium, which means it's also a great day for politics
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Star Scribe
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The Illustrated Life
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Amazing Story
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Don't they know there's a war on?
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Belting the Maintenance Blues
(2005-03-15)

Game over?
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Spam and Cheese
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Serving Kurtwood Smith
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