Tom Lynch

Reggie, South Side pride personified, can't dance. He can barely move as he shuffles to the beats pounding from the speakers. Our MC screams into his mic, "Damn, Reggie. What the hell did you just do?" The crowd disbands. Back to the football screens.

The dance competition is only a sideshow at the EA Sports-sponsored John Madden Football 2006 competition, where competitors go head-to-head on multiple XBOX consoles in a single-elimination tournament to decide who's best in the city. Navy Pier's Crystal Gardens, pumping tourists in and out of a room that usually displays epic greenery, is impossibly loud with a DJ spinning continual hip-hop and giant howls coming from the crowds gathered around each video screen. "Which window are you at?" shouts one man into his cell phone. "By what fucking Ferris wheel?"

The players play, each eliminated one at a time. EA Sports representatives tally the winners and set up future rounds. Girlfriends cheer their men on--some compete as well--and a common brotherhood is found between the two players playing. Not, however, amongst said players' supporters, who yell and taunt, offering blistering attacks on the opposition's character. "He ain't got no blitz!" one offers while watching the epic match between the "Los Angeles Raiders" and the "Atlanta Falcons." "That's the stupidest play I've ever seen!" says another. Then it gets personal. "You scared motherfucker! You pussy-ass bitch! He scared!"

The MC trots over, mic in hand, to break up the looming fistfight. "I got action over here?" he asks. He briefly acts as color commentator for the game before things become a bit out of control with cursing. "OK guys, step back. We don't need this." Brawl avoided, for now.

The players pick their own teams--mostly picked are the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts, though some others take the Seattle Seahawks and the Kansas City Chiefs. One doofus chooses the Bears--he looses immediately to a five-foot-tall teenage girl. "Ladies and gentlemen," says the MC, "we have a femalein the final four!"

Finally, the Falcons vs. Raiders match comes to a close, the Raiders besting Michael Vick and crew by only a few points. The Raiders posse ignites in celebration. "We guerillas in Chicago motherfucker!" sounds off one to the hapless Falcons squad. The "Chi-town" chants can be heard all the way to the fucking Ferris wheel.

(2005-10-11)

Also by Tom Lynch

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The Chicago Book Festival is in full force this week, featuring a massive number of readings at a variety of Chicago locations, including theaters, libraries and schools
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Making plans
When you think of the dynamic duos of rock n' roll, who comes to mind? Plant and Page, Daltrey and Townsend, Morrissey and Marr? Those partnerships will always hold their spots on the musical mantel of ingenuity, but in the modern age of indie pop, Ben Gibbard and Chris Walla should be viewed as colossal giants
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Soundcheck
Bob Mould's legacy, a term that would probably make him chuckle, took the inevitable detour at the end of the nineties when he decided to hang up his guitars
(2005-09-27)

Tip of the Week
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Tip of the Week
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In a Great State
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Starr* Light, Starr* Bright
(2005-09-06)

Invasion of the Parrotheads
(2005-09-06)

Free Space
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Dark Shadows
(2005-08-16)

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