Fred Sasaki

CHARACTERS:

POOL BOY, Pouting Japanese-Polish-American low-rung literati.

POOL MAN, Gregarious Irish-Columbian-American construction worker.

All of the action takes place around a pool table in Rogers Park.

SCENE: Pool Boy is politely listening to Pool Man tell joke after joke over a paused game of eight ball. They are both married.

POOL MAN: So this guy, he's a construction worker, he goes to this brothel to get some pussy `cause he's hard up. He's real hard up. Hasn't had pussy in months. He gets directions from his buddy and he tells him ask for Donna. He says Donna is the best. You never had action good as this. So he saves up some money, he takes five hundred dollars just in case. So he finally gets up the nerve and goes down to the docks and rings her up at this shabby whorehouse.

POOL BOY: Okay.

POOL MAN: So this kind of skinny decent-looking but not hot whore asks him who he wants. He says Donna. She says, I'm Donna. And he's like, wait a minute, my friend says that this is the best piece in the city but she looks like a dog. But he's like, I really need some pussy and this chick is supposed to be the best. So he goes upstairs and nearly blows his load just watching her ass up the stairs. He can smell it just inches from his nose. So he gets in the room and she says, What do you want? He says, "I just want some pussy. That's all I want. I just want some pussy. I got 200 dollars." She's like, "I can't do anything for 200 dollars." He's desperate. He's about to explode. So he's says, "OK, I got 500 dollars and it's yours. Just give me some of that pussy." So then she's like, "For 500 dollars I'll give you a hand job." He's like, "What the fuck? A 500-dollar hand job? What kind of King Midas hand job you gonna give me? I could get two pussies for 500 dollars." She's like, "Look baby, I know you heard all about me. I'm the best there is. You ain't never had a hand job like this." She starts rubbing his shoulders and then takes him to the window. She says, "Look down there, big cutie. You see that pink beamer? That's my ride, sugar. You think I got that ride if I didn't give the best hand job you ever had? Trust me. If you don't say that it's the best hand job you ever got, I'll give you your money back. You'll see." By now he's like a starving dog and he rips off his pants. She lotions up and goes to work.

POOL BOY: Uh-huh.

POOL MAN: And she was right. He's like, "Shit, that was the best hand job I've had my entire life." He's seeing stars and shit. He's like, "If I had more money I'd give it to you. You're the best. You're the best," he says. She takes the money and tells him to come back for more when he's ready. So he's set for like weeks just thinking about that hand job. But, you know, he gets the urge again and this time it's worse. He's extra hard up, if you know what I mean. He works overtime, he eats soup for dinner, he skips his child support. Anything he can do. This time he saves up 2,000 dollars and heads back down to the docks. When he gets upstairs he's like, "This time I got 2,000 dollars and a quart of Vermont maple syrup and I want some of that pussy. That's all I want. Just give me some of that sweet pussy." She's like, "Well, I do like maple syrup, but for 2,000 dollars I'll give you a blow job." He's pissed. He's all, "I never heard of a fucking 2,000-dollar blow job, yadda yadda." She takes him back to the window, flashes her big pink tongue, and says, "Look over by that slip. You see that cute little pink boat? That's my boat, daddy. You think I can afford a nice boat like that if I didn't give the best blow jobs you never had? This ain't no ordinary blow job. No sir. I make mad cash `cause I'm the best. I've been sucking cock since I was eight years old, and I never had my tonsils out. She's like, Same deal. I'll give you all your money back if this ain't the best blow job you ever got." He drops his pants and she starts humming "Amazing Grace" on him, using every muscle in her cheeks and tongue and wraps her swollen tonsils all over him. Guy nearly passes out. He sees white light and fireworks and shit. Thinks he's gonna die. He never even knew a blow job could be so good.

POOL BOY: (Yawning) Hmm.

POOL MAN: Now he's set for like months just thinking about that head. But, you know, he gets that tick again. He gots to go back. This time, he says to himself, I'm getting me some of that pussy no matter what. He sells his furniture, his car, and works triple time. This time he brings her 5,000 dollars and demands pussy. He's like, "I got 5,000 dollars with me and I'm ain't leaving till I get some of that pussy!" This time she doesn't say anything and takes him straight to the window. She says, "You know I make a lot of money doing this, honey. Look over there on that shore. Look right over there by the beach. Up there, she points to a high-rise primo condo. You see that condo up there? That penthouse with the pink curtains and balcony? Well, that condo would be mine...if I had a pussy." (Pool man slaps his legs, laughing.)

POOL BOY: (Feigning laughter) That's funny.

A gaggle of Loyola girls, at whom Pool Man had been staring all the while, exit the bar with a manic flourish of perfume, puffed-out last drags, and ringing cell phones.

POOL BOY: Amazing, isn't it? All the electricity in the room, vanished. It's incredible how the life of a bar gets sucked out as soon as the women leave. Young women especially. It's like there's nothing left.

POOL MAN: Not really. I'm married. I can always go home and masturbate.

(2005-09-27)

Also by Fred Sasaki

The Agony and the Ecstasy
As I see it, the only way you can get even is to give her equally bad and unsatisfying head
(2005-08-23)

976-POET
It's no surprise that a poet could become addicted to or at least have flings with phone sex
(2005-07-26)

Animals of the Wild
Summer in the Gold Coast glistens with silicone and inches. It's irresistible. It's expensive. It's excess at its best
(2005-05-24)

The Agony and the Ecstasy
So he comes to the door and we have these two gorgeous women--two classy high-class escorts open the door and bring him inside
(2005-04-26)

Conversation Hearts
(2005-03-15)

Mother, May I?
(2005-02-08)

Fiction Review
(2005-01-04)

Nonfiction Review
(2004-12-14)

Okay life
(2004-07-20)

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