Fred Sasaki

Woman One: Oh, you won't believe this. This girl at work, she's like twenty-five, met this Jamaican at a dancehall last spring.

Woman Two: Uh oh.

Woman One: Love at first sight. They danced, they went home together,

Woman Two: The first night?

Woman One: The first night. Listen. So the next morning they decide to get married.

Woman Three: How old is this guy?

Woman One: I don't know, it doesn't matter. It turns out that he has an enormous dick. She said she never measured it, but that it's like eleven inches. She hemorrhages every time they have sex.

Woman Four: Oh my God.

Woman One: That's what I said. She said that the first time they had sex she bled for days. She thought that maybe her period started, but because of the pain and the way she was bleeding she went to the doctor about it.

Woman Two: What's he say? What do you say to that?

Woman One: Well, he suggested that she use K-Y and try some different positions, but nothing helped. So she went back to the doctor and then he suggested that she tie a towel around the bottom of it, like a bumper, so that he doesn't go too deep. She says she can barely get her mouth around it.

Woman Four: Oh God.

Woman Two: Well my husband definitely doesn't have that problem, but you know what he does?

Woman Four: What, does he like to talk nasty?

Woman Two: Well that too.

Woman Three: Why do guys like that so much? My husband likes to call me slut and whore . . .

Woman Four: I LOVE it. It gets me so crazy!

Woman Two: Well anyways, my husband likes to put Alka-Seltzer in me.

Woman Three: What do you mean? You mean like put the tablets inside of you?

Woman Two: Yea. He says he likes the sound it makes, and it kind of tickles so I don't mind. He just loves it. Especially when I'm really excited.

Woman Three: What, does he want proof that you're wet or something?

Woman Four: Well my husband does. He makes me cry for his penis every time we have sex.

Woman Three: What do you mean, cry? You mean actual tears? He makes you cry real tears before you do it?

Woman Four: Yea. He especially likes it when I beg AND cry. It drives him wild.

Woman One: What do you say?

Woman Four: I just frown and sort of whimper, Please, PLEASE give me your cock. I like it so much, please give it to me. I want it so bad. Please give me what I want. Oh give it to me. You know, something like that.

(2005-03-15)

Also by Fred Sasaki

Mother, May I?
Our Lady of Guadalupe is a glorified vagina
(2005-02-08)

Fiction Review
There is something embarrassing about carrying around this collection, like toting a cartoon lunchbox, but it's just irresistible. With a flash the book announces the latest editorial travail of Michael Chabon billed as an "Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories," no less
(2005-01-04)

Nonfiction Review
This book makes a good stocking stuffer so long as the sock is filled with a nice vintage wine, cigarettes and sordid party favors
(2004-12-14)

Okay life
Something like self-help for the semi-fortunate, all of the shorts in Erin McGraw's "The Good Life" could have been born from episodes of Oprah
(2004-07-20)

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