Margaret Wappler

The Rockwell painting that never was has come to life: clusters of little girls with tight braids, shiny ribbons and rosy cheeks await their turns to audition for the American Girl Place Revue, the song-and-dance stage show about the dolls that are the stars of the Place -- a hulking, multi-story toy-store-cum-shrine that is every little girly girl's dream palace. The room buzzes with the hums of the girls -- ranging from ages 7 to 13, according to the casting call -- along with the encouragement of overzealous parents: "We're going to miss 'Seventh Heaven' for this, so let's make it worth it."

Those who managed to secure an audition feel more than a little bit lucky today; due to an unexpectedly high turnout, many girls were turned away, defeated before they got a chance to strut their stuff.

But not Minnie Chang, aka Camilla Ha, a Newcity employee posing as a 13-year-old in an attempt to bag a part as one of the crooning dolls. Her ripe age of 27 barely manages to show underneath Hello Kitty make-up -- electric-blue eye powder, candied pink rouge, cherry lips -- and an ensemble dripping with razzmatazz: red sequined leotard, pigtails and polka-dotted skirt. Minnie doesn't score an audition, but no one questions her age, including parents who offer "Aww, honey -- maybe you can try out tomorrow." Not one to be deterred, Minnie entertains the crowd with her My Piano, a teensy keyboard-microphone combo, and momentarily steals most of the 13-and-under-crowd's attention. Rapt with awe, their slack jaws and dig-it stares all seem to say the same: That girl is one glitzy show-stopper.

Minnie soon gathers a spellbound crowd. Her most avid fan is Josephine, a bright and bubbly girl who came on her own to audition. I approach the group for an interview, and when it's Minnie's turn, the lid comes off.

Me: "Minnie, do you have any of the dolls at home?"

Minnie: "No, my mother's too poor."

A moment of shocked silence descends on the group, before, alarmed, they plead with me to alter Minnie's statement. "No, no, don't write that," Josephine warns, "she'll get in trouble with her mom." Instead, she instructs Minnie, "say that they're too expensive."

"But its true!" Minnie protests. "My mom says that this place, with their high prices, can just go and shove it."

"Oh!" The girls explode with gasps and giggles. Minnie's outburst has ignited an excitable mixture of admiration and fear. They are more frantic than ever; nervously waving their hands, they try to peer into my notebook to see what I'm writing.

Launching into her audition song -- Rockwell's classic "Somebody's Watching Me" -- Minnie sings the line, "I work from nine to five. Hey, hell, I pay the price!" leveling yet another shocker as Josephine giddily gasps, "Ohhh, you said the h-word!" Minnie continues, undaunted, giving the song all the throaty camp it deserves. When she finishes, Josephine murmurs, "Wow, that was really good," with a tone sweetly devoid of cynicism -- the perfect American Girl.

(2000-05-04)

Also by Margaret Wappler

WEED EATERS
A salad out of dandelions?! How nuts can you get?
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Funky Buddhism
"American Skin" doesn't shy away from carrying the self-important feel of an epic, but it doesn't plug away at it in the usual lock, stock and barrel melodrama of so many epics we love to hate.
(2000-04-20)

FRANKENFRUIT
Think of two 12-year-old girls who pine after the same cute boy over a vicious pillow fight, and you've got some idea of how hard both of these teams yank scientific evidence over to their side.
(2000-04-20)

RESTAURANT REVIEW
Maiz (pronounced my-aze) has carved out an interesting niche for itself -- pre-Hispanic Mexican food -- though it's not yet properly explored.
(2000-03-30)

RESTAURANT REVIEW
(2000-03-30)

Flash 'em
(2000-03-02)

Toy stories
(2000-03-02)

Flash 'em
(2000-03-02)

Toy stories
(2000-03-02)

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