Ray Pride

There are only a half-dozen Dollys in the house competing for a $100 prize, but the crowd at Estrojam's Dolly Parton Tribute at Martyr's on Thursday is packed with Dolly lovers. Organizer Tammy Cresswell thinks the veteran queen-of-all-media is a feminist icon, and there doesn't seem to be anyone present who would disagree. Almost a dozen local musicians, including Anna Fermin and Aerin Tedesco, are here to do covers with a twangy house band.

The music's exuberant, but the designer-underwear show and auction turns out to be the nonstop highlight. The wall behind the entrance holds a grid of all manner of prank panties from the likes of Dyke Diva and Pussy Galore.

The intermissions outlast the performances at the benefit for the political-artistic-organizational multimedia women's festival. "You have to have underwear that says 'cunt' on them, c'mon!" co-auctioneer Amy Matheny urges. "A not-for-profit cunt. Right here. It's tax deductible. Take that, George W. Bush! The bidding gets up to $40? Our underwear model will throw in a professional domination session. If you don't know what this is? You should bid. Right there, fifty! Fifty-five is nothing. It comes right out of the ATM."

A woman comes out wrapped in the American flag, the words, "No Bush is good Bush" at the crotch. "That is one patriotic pushy!" the other auctioneer, Jessica Halem, malaprops. "Pussy! Say it with me!" she encourages a crowd that requires little encouragement. "Pussy!" The crowd roars in return.

Of Matheny and Halem, Crisswell says, "They're hilarious. We' re sending an edited version and a pair of the underwear to Dolly." Why edit? Here's Halem: "Two lips closer to getting him out of office! Thirty dollars closer to getting that motherfucker out! C'mon! Good cause, good cause."

The house band grins, instruments at rest. "Two lips and a clit at forty, c'mon. Forty-five right there. God Bless America!"

"Oh sister, were you giving me a fist or were you bidding?" Halem says, looking over the raucous crowd.

"I feel like I'm at the WBEZ pledge drive, but slightly different," Matheny says. Halem adds, "Sold to the very patriotic sissy-butch brother in the corner. All our estrogen will get him out of office!"

One more boyish, pixie-cut brunette comes into view, wearing what seem like tighty-whities with PISTIL magazine's logo on the Y-flap. "We're gonna start the bidding on this fine piece of ass at $5, because we're cheap! Look how cute her ass looks people!"

The look-alike contest bangs up against this phase of the auction. "Who thinks their shit looks like Dolly? Y'all get on up here. I need all Dollys to come up to the stage so we can start some singing." The tall drag Dolly wins by a tsunami of applause and hoots and hollers.

(2004-03-31)

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