Michael Workman

Nobody will recognize the place. Nobody. Denizens of the old Tuman's Alcohol Abuse Center in Ukrainian Village loved the authentic dive atmosphere. Its patron saint was Bela Lugosi, looking sated in a "Dracula" portrait hung over the hall leading to the men's room. Customers wanting a seat had a row of kegs to choose from. Fights were entertainment, with this reporter witnessing more than one involving broken bottles as actual weapons. Drunken horndogs got it on in the building's stairwells and customers were forced to wade through a standing puddle of urine and unmentionable human waste to reach the pissoir. Yes, two words described the place: shit hole.

New owner Tom Magee has helped the place get born again, in a strictly biblical sense. Dracula's gone, as is the chubby Olympia that once hung over the bar. Now Tuman's has a house wine and serves "Duck Tenders." Quite a change. Even admitting to knowledge of what Duck Tenders are would have gotten your ass kicked in the old place. Now the bar's window with the original "Alcohol Abuse Center" trademark has been framed and hangs on a back wall. The swinging saloon-style doors are still there too, as is the famous $2 Guinness, now at $3. If paying that extra buck ruins it, Pabst still flows for $2. Combine that with a $22 Nebraska Buffalo Strip ("natural free-ranged buffalo meat" brags the menu) and it's time to catch tonight's game on the wall-mounted JVC plasma screen, this time without the subtitles.

Tuman's, 2159 West Chicago, (773)782-1400.

(2004-02-11)

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