Margaret Wappler

Dressed professionally in gray and carrying a briefcase, Laura Barnes (not her real name) strides down the street with an air of purpose, as if she is on her way to a business meeting. Explaining her professional attire and demeanor, Laura says, "We like to run a classy act. I mean, you really have to twist my arm to get me to say the word clitoris."

That's right. In Laura's job, sometimes the word clitoris, and others of its nature, must be uttered. And if you're thinking that Laura doesn't belong to the usual business world, you'd be only half right.

Laura is part of The Lingerie Company, or TLC, a Florida-based business that has stormed the once decorous territory of the house party. With a setup that puts mom's Tupperware parties to shame, TLC sells a panoramic array of colorful ticklers, leather g-strings, a dildo with a built-in strobe light and the "Cyber Dong," a vibrating "massager" that comes with a startlingly realistic cover. It would be enough to make your local Mary Kay lady blush behind her mask of sesame-colored foundation. But once she got over the initial embarrassment, she might then ask, "Can I order that?"

At each party, Laura spreads out her red cloth and sets up an eye-catching selection that goes from sweet and demure potions and powders, like TLC's best seller "Honey Dust," to the spicy -- a towering dildo with a frighteningly angled hook at the end, made to look like a chili pepper. "You can even keep it in your kitchen," Laura exclaims to the laughter of party goers.

After explaining the basic function of each item, mixed with a bit of personal testimony, she passes each tin, tool and teaser around, often instructing her clients to do things like blow, rub and lick -- teasing one crowd, Laura says coyly, "You know how to do that, right?"

Surrounded by approving nods and giggly squeals (the Cyber Dong gets a good reception) from the twelve or so women at a Sunday evening get-together, one has the feeling that orders are being mentally tabulated with each knowing smile Laura gives her crowd. To my surprise, the party is made up of a range of ages, from women in their mid-20s, to older ladies who look to be touching on 60. Laura notes later that this is nothing unusual. With a smile, she says, "No one wants to believe this, but I sell sex toys to your mom."

(2000-03-02)

Also by Margaret Wappler

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