Wearing only a short-sleeved T-shirt against the morning damp and ceaselessly smoking Marlboro Ultra-Lights, by 10:30am Blanford's in a black mood following his "audition" experience at Limp Bizkit's "Put Your Guitar Where Your Mouth Is" event: "I didn't audition for shit, man. I just got pissed off."

When all was said and done, 300 people would audition for a shot to become the Bizkit's new guitarist (replacing the departed Wes Borland). And though he arrived at 11pm the night before—a move that would secure him audition number twenty-eight—and is currently cutting a day at York Township High School to be here, Blanford wasn't one of them.

"They wanted you to sign this contract," says the 16-year-old Blanford, who, for the purposes of this exercise, is 18. "I was reading the thing and talking to some of the guys in the know and they told me that you were signing over your rights to anything you play. [Editor's note: A fact no one would confirm.] So you don't get any money, just a credit on the CD." He shakes his head in disgust and lights another, "You know, I didn't sit in my garage and write the stuff so Fred Durst could get rich."

Blanford walked out before auditioning and has, for more than an hour, been smoking, complaining, espousing conspiracy theories and waiting for his friend Joe Monahan, audition number twenty-nine, to finish. The day's main theory, passed from one group to another, is that they've already got their player and that the entire event is a publicity stunt. (Durst, who showed up later in the day, said there was a "50-50" chance the band would choose an amateur.) "You know they already found the guy in L.A.," he says to passersby, many of whom stop to agree. "You're right," remarks Jack, who, though carrying his guitar, is also skipping the audition. "They're just scamming people's music."

Blanford's also grumbling about Monahan, who plays guitar in their band, Deviate, and how he "better not" have played any original songs in his audition. "My biggest fear now is seeing my songs on Limp Bizkit's CD in a year," he says, shifting his weight from one foot to another, trying to keep warm.

At this point, Monahan appears through the crowd around the Guitar Center door, holding a complimentary pack of strings and a sour expression. "I thought it was fucking bullshit," he says. "I thought we were actually going to have a chance to sit down and play." Seems the audition, once a chance to play three songs, has turned into a matter of seconds. And, to add insult to injury, Durst isn't even there. "You're auditioning for some guy you don't even know," Monahan continues. "You walk in, plug in and play. You don't even have a chance; they either cut you off right away or let you go a little bit."

A little bit? "Yeah, like twenty seconds. The guy at the door said nobody had been there for more than thirty seconds." But, Monahan says, he doesn't really care. "I just wanted to get Fred (Durst) our demo. I'd rather play with my band than with his fucking band. Not to sound too egotistical, but my band could kick the shit out of Limp Bizkit," he ends matter of factly. "You know, Fred Durst isn't a God."

Also by Elaine Richardson

FIGHT THE POWER
Twenty-four hours after the Bears lost their shirt to the Philadelphia Eagles, Soldier Field was in full-on transition. Seats yanked, the field ripped up and an army of workers going like gangbusters to kick the controversial $606 million renovation plan into gear. In fact, it seemed like a little too much work, considering that a pending lawsuit could kill the project.
(2002-01-24)

TALLYING TURNSTILES
In the bleakness of the weeks immediately following September 11, the city's cultural strongholds seemed doomed to end the year in downturn. Or not. The Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum reported last week that attendance topped 27,000 in December alone, tripling the numbers from the year before and boosting them to a level unseen since the museum's new facility opened in October 1999.
(2002-01-17)

COSELL & CO.
It's not quite the textbook definition of mayhem—no real maiming going on—but it's damn entertaining. Not into football? It doesn't matter—we're talking TV history and pop culture iconography here, not sports.
(2002-01-10)

IT'S ALIVE!
The mutations area offers a look at mutant white-eyed flies, while the genetic engineering area offers frogs from the University of Virginia, which have been "engineered" to produce green fluorescence in the eyes.
(2002-01-10)

BALANCING ACT
(2002-01-10)

HOT AIR
(2002-01-10)

FILM VAULT
(2001-11-22)

THE GIFT GUIDE
(2001-11-15)

ALL ABOARD
(2001-10-18)

BRAIN FREEZE
(2001-09-13)

ANALYZE THIS
(2001-09-06)

THE GOOD FIGHT
(2001-09-06)