And Mayhew's not alone. There are others from the "Star Wars" Universe who made it in for the annual Wizard World Comic Book/Multi-media/pop culture/porn (more on this later) all-out, explosive, hyper, titillating, hard-on-inducing (hell, I even got one) convention.

First there's David Prowse. Goddamned Darth Vader. This is some serious seventies' deity action. Next to him, aged, frail, sitting in a shiny wheelchair, is Phil Brown, who portrayed Luke Skywalker's Uncle Owen in the original "Star Wars." Talk about obscure cool.

And then there's Kenny Baker. R2-f'ing-D2. Over-eager fanboys—guys in comic book emblazoned T-shirts—swarm around the table like bees on a can of Coke. For these guys, this is one big, muggy wet dream. Where's the Kleenex?

But there's something sad about this assemblage of unrecognizable celebrity. Is this all they do? Conventions? Raleigh-Durham one weekend, Miami the next, then onto Chicago? Is this how they make a living?

Roaming the capacious floor of the Stephens Center produces more weirdness, more revelation. Comic books have come a long way baby. Forget the violence, the blood, the guts, the guns. That's nothin'. That's 1980s old school, dude. Today's kiddies are all about sex. On one table, there's an art layout of circa World War II pin-up girls assuming some damned lewd positions. There are several impeccable Bettie Page paintings with the erotic legend striking a gyno's office pose. Ever seen Bettie's labia? You will at Wizard World.

A liitle kid, no more than 10, consumes the pictures with his protruding eyes. The young boy, sporting one of those blond, Hollywood bowl-cuts, delves his hand in his pocket and makes an adjustment. Just a few yards away, a man dressed in a Spiderman outfit poses for photos with families: kids, moms, dads, weird uncles. Next to Spidey is another Marvel character, a women in a skimpy Elektra costume, ass cheeks sagging from her satin red briefs. She gets more googly looks from the puerile set.

Everywhere you glance and wander, sex abounds. Women with huge breast implants sign comic books and drawings. Women in metallic Xena costumes give hugs. Women, women, women. The kids are going crazy with cold sweats and pup stents and the parents just don't seem to care.

If this is Stan Lee's Universe, Make Mine Marvel!

Also by Sam Weller

DEAR JOHN
It's not as if I was downloading porn, I rationalized. I just wanted to see John. Bad. It was a viral celebrity infection. Days passed. Weeks.
(2001-07-12)

CHEESE WHIZ
Part archetypal cheese chalet, part rock music venue (you read that right), all this place needs is Rod Serling standing in the inner lobby welcoming you to the Twilight Zone.
(2001-06-21)

ALEX ROSS' FAVES
We got to wondering: What if Alex Ross decided to pack it all up and head to his own arctic Fortress of Solitude a la Superman? What are some of the comic books and graphic novels that he would pile into his polar-bound U-Haul?
(2001-04-19)

MAN OF STEEL
Alex Ross is the biggest name in the superhero comic book business. When it comes to artists, he is the Galactus of the universe.
(2001-04-19)

THE BATTLE OF MIDWAY
(2001-03-22)

WORD ROOTS: FIRST SPARK
(2001-03-01)

AN OLD PEANUT
(2000-12-28)

AUTHOR VISIT
(2000-09-14)

YOGI'S UTOPIA
(2000-07-13)

CALL WAITING
(2000-07-13)

NIGHT MUSIC
(2000-06-29)

STATE OF GRACE
(2000-03-30)